Where I Honestly Am Right Now

Every day, I see countless resources around me that inspire me—blogs, books, and advice from friends—each offering nuggets of wisdom on how to create a serene and inviting home. Yet despite all this inspiration, I find myself wrestling with the clutter that seems to magically accumulate overnight. The tension is palpable when I realize that I want to honor God’s call to care for my home and family, but old habits die hard.

As I juggle my roles as a mother, wife, and homemaker, the guilt can be overwhelming. I often feel like I’m failing when I look around and see a mess that would make my heart sink, especially if someone were to walk into my home unannounced. The fear of judgment creeps in, and I feel embarrassed about the state of my living space. I can’t shake the anxiety that whispers I’m not doing enough, despite all the inspiring advice I’ve read. This internal struggle is a reminder of my humanity; it's tough to maintain a clean home while also navigating life’s chaotic moments.

But here’s where the grace comes in. If it wasn’t for the gospel, I would wake up feeling like a complete failure every day. Knowing that Christ died for me despite me being a sinner and that I am loved and accepted by God, despite my shortcomings, allows me to breathe a little easier. It frees me from the shame of my messy home and reminds me that my worth isn’t tied to the cleanliness of my living space. Each day, I strive to find balance, recognizing that God calls me to both care for my family and embrace grace in the messiness of life.

With every cluttered corner, I remind myself to take it one step at a time. Cleaning isn’t about perfection; it’s about stewardship. God has entrusted me with my family, and part of that calling is to create an environment where they can thrive. Even on my toughest days, I have to remember that our homes are filled with love and memories, and those count for so much more than their cleanliness.

I started this blog in a way to hold myself accountable. That's why I'm being honest with you right now. I write about my struggles and triumphs, and I wake up every day to face another day with more struggles. This journey isn't linear or perfect, it's a battle. Sometimes I feel like I spend all day cleaning and the house doesn't look any cleaner. I get behind on the systems I try to implement. I think messiness is ingrained in me like Type A cleanliness seems to be ingrained in other mamas.

So as I navigate this journey of homemaking, I’m learning to let go of the guilt and embrace the beautiful chaos. The struggle is real, and certainly, it’s not easy. But with faith and the understanding that I am not alone, I can tackle the mess in pieces while allowing space for grace. And that, more than anything, makes the cleaning journey worth it.